The Squad Take Islay Day 1

The squad

On Thursday July 17th I woke up at 6am and then proceeded to work a 12 hour shift at work, now usually after my 3rd 12 hour shift of the week I come home, grab a snack, eat it in bed and then go to sleep and sleep for a million years.  On this particular day I returned home from work, grabbed your passport and my hand my rucksack and then B and I jumped in the back seat of S's (a fun friend who was quickly upgraded to a member of Edinburgh's more exclusive friendship group) car.  B and I both chose to sit in the back of the car because neither of us were feeling brave enough to battle with the constant intimidation that S radiates quite yet.  We journeyed to the far off kingdom of almost Glasgow to L's house and then after some very tense board game playing we retired to bed for the night next 4ish hours.  at 04.45 B's alarm sounded and she raised like a phoenix from the ashes to get ready for the great journey that lay ahead of us.  I was so relieved that I didn't have to get up yet and so I went back to sleep feeling #blessed.  At 04.53 my alarm sounded and I got up feeling far more refreshed than I had 8 minutes previous.  We had to leave L's house at 05.15 to start our journey and so at

#IWillGoDownWithThisShip

05.30 we were finally ready to go, 15 minutes late classic us.  We made a quick petrol and snack stop and I bought 2 multi packets of crisps, Irn Bru, a fun duck wrap and then panic bought belvita bars (#regrets).  I had been given full control of the music for the trip which was both exciting and terrifying since great power comes with great responsibility.  We started with some Leighton Meester to soothe us gently into the day, and let me tell you this: that song really builds.  By the end of Blue Afternoon we were all excited and ready to partay.  We were finally on our way, spirits high and music deafeningly loud. 

Thar not one whale blows

During the 3 hour drive to the ferry docks we learned many things such as that Loch Lomand is far larger than any of us had first imagined, that I am a far better DJ than any of them had first imagined and that S is actually far less intimidating that we had first imagined.  We were the first people to arrive for the Ferry, L and S went into the ticket office to collect the tickets and B (bladder bursting due to the fact she had chugged like 6 Pepsi Maxes during the drive) and I (bladder bursting because I hadn't peed in 3 hours and I'm only human) went to the rest room.  During the 30 minute wait for the Ferry to arrive I yelled "THARRR SHE BLOWWWWWS!!" more times than anyone had hoped for, by the 30th yell I think the saying had grown on everyone and they had learned to love it.  

Eventually after we had done our waiting, 12 years of it, in Azkaban it was Ferry Ho! thar she legit blows and it was time to board.  Driving onto the ferry was kind of terrifying due to the fact that S couldn't 100% guarantee she would manage to drive over the ramp and that there was a slight possibility we were all going to end up at the bottom of the ocean - sleeping with the fishes if you will.   Spoiler Alert: we made it.  We were going on a trip in our favourite ocean ship!  I sat by the window eyes pealed with keen anticipation for whales.  Along with attempted whale watching we spent the boat journey playing card games and charades.  At 10.30 L accused B of rigging the cards for snap so that she would

#FerryWankers

win, B had not rigged the cards.  At 10.45 I had still not seen a whale.  At 11.00 I decided i would make my 11.11 wish to see a whale.  At 11.11 I wished to see a whale. We also spent this time discussing what havoc we were going to inflict on Islay because The four of us always come home from nights out with some kind of crazy story and without a fun/outrageous story we aren't satisfied with how the night went. 15 minutes before arriving in Islay we decided to ascend the staircase to B deck aka deck 6 and we spent our final moments on the boat outside on the highest deck recreating scenes from Titanic, looking out for the whales and continuing the "THAR SHE BLOWS, WHALE HO!" chant.   Finally we were approaching Islay and it was time to return to the car, the thing is that B deck was far more slippy than you'd first imagine and so upon descending the stairs back to the car L fell not ones but twice and I couldn't contain my laughter... and then mid laugh I slipped, fell and hit the cold hard ground.  Now nobody on the ferry could contain their laughter and I felt like a fool.  I tried to keep my head held high and I told myself to conceal don't feel. 

We had no idea where we were going once we got off of the ferry. The initial 'lets just drive around and see what happens it will be so fun' mood wore off quicker than you would first expect when an hour later the four of us were lost in Islay with no signal and no idea how to get to J's house.  Our mainland brains were evidently ignorant to ways of island life and we had just assumed that Islay would be so small that we would

L recreating the great fall
of July 2015

just coincidentally end up at J's house if we drove long enough, this obviously was not the case.  We ended up in a small village and it was clear that everyone else in this village knew each other, this was made clear when we walked into a small cafe and everyone customer stopped eating to stare at us, open mouthed, cutlery dropping to the ground, young children pointing and the odd person taking a picture of the fresh new mainland meat.  I was sure we were going to die in that town, I felt like I was in one of those horror movies and I was certain that it was the case that once you visit the island you never leave the island.  Immediately I missed the busy rush of the city where nobody knows anyone, nobody wants to know anyone, nobody has time for anyone, and the only communication you have with strangers is mumbling profanities at them when they bump into you on the streets.  We found an empty hotel restaurant and we sat timidly at the table, on edge the whole time.  We ordered a chicken burger (minus veggie B who had some soup) and B, L and I ordered a vodka cranberry or vodka lemonade (fun fact, L received a glass of flat lemonade and this almost pushed her over the edge right into tear town).  At lunch we also made a deal with eachother, we were city girls through and through and if any of us showed too much of a taking to Islay life they were going to be asked to leave the friend group - in fact they wouldn't be allowed back onto the ferry with the rest of us.  Just to be extra precocious we decided that every time one of us aid something really nice about Islay or showed any indication that they wanted to be a farmer we would punch them (this was put into action several times over the weekend because Islay was very beautiful and it was hard not to comment on it and yes if S, B or L read this post they do have full permission to punch me, lightly, because of that last comment).

Pano

2 hours after arriving on Islay we finally made it J's house.  It was raining - some would call it a perfect storm.  Luckily we were privileged enough to earn ourselves a nice warm bed for a much needed afternoon nap.  After the most wonderful sleep ever, we rose like phoenixes once again and headed down to the kitchen for some baked potatoes.  B (not so stealthily) fed one of J's dogs food off of her plate and my plate while I (not so stealthily) filmed her) and then after dinner we  proceeded to accompany J to decorate the hall for the party which was taking place the next night - #friendgoals.  After a fleeting period of helpfulness L, B and I began to practice our dance moves and Bar Mitzvah lifts in the hall while J, S, B and M (B and M are J's friends who had just arrived...) continued to be productive.  We then returned to J's abode and had a quick whiskey tasting before retiring to bed for the night.  Before drifting off to sleep we lay together, four in a bed, recapping our day, sharing anxieties about sleeping in the marquee the next night during a perfect storm (#Marqueewindhorrorstories) and just generally keeping B awake as she tried desperately to sleep.  

I'M AN ADULT!!
#ONTHEGROUNDDD

I'm trying to conceal my disappointment about the whales

What would happen the next day?  Would we meet Hansel the horse?  What would happen at the party?  Would we get to see the beach?  Would we do something stupid at the party and get banished from Islay forever?  Would we ever be allowed to leave Islay or were we officially lifers?

All of this and more will be answered in part 2 which is coming at some point or another although I'm only human and I have to work since my job pays and this does not (there's not much justice in the world)

The moral of the story is never base your life happiness on the amount of whales you spot on a ferry trip to Islay because you'll only be left feeling empty and dispirited.

Until next time,
xoxo
Queen G