The Squad Take Islay Day 1

The squad

On Thursday July 17th I woke up at 6am and then proceeded to work a 12 hour shift at work, now usually after my 3rd 12 hour shift of the week I come home, grab a snack, eat it in bed and then go to sleep and sleep for a million years.  On this particular day I returned home from work, grabbed your passport and my hand my rucksack and then B and I jumped in the back seat of S's (a fun friend who was quickly upgraded to a member of Edinburgh's more exclusive friendship group) car.  B and I both chose to sit in the back of the car because neither of us were feeling brave enough to battle with the constant intimidation that S radiates quite yet.  We journeyed to the far off kingdom of almost Glasgow to L's house and then after some very tense board game playing we retired to bed for the night next 4ish hours.  at 04.45 B's alarm sounded and she raised like a phoenix from the ashes to get ready for the great journey that lay ahead of us.  I was so relieved that I didn't have to get up yet and so I went back to sleep feeling #blessed.  At 04.53 my alarm sounded and I got up feeling far more refreshed than I had 8 minutes previous.  We had to leave L's house at 05.15 to start our journey and so at

#IWillGoDownWithThisShip

05.30 we were finally ready to go, 15 minutes late classic us.  We made a quick petrol and snack stop and I bought 2 multi packets of crisps, Irn Bru, a fun duck wrap and then panic bought belvita bars (#regrets).  I had been given full control of the music for the trip which was both exciting and terrifying since great power comes with great responsibility.  We started with some Leighton Meester to soothe us gently into the day, and let me tell you this: that song really builds.  By the end of Blue Afternoon we were all excited and ready to partay.  We were finally on our way, spirits high and music deafeningly loud. 

Thar not one whale blows

During the 3 hour drive to the ferry docks we learned many things such as that Loch Lomand is far larger than any of us had first imagined, that I am a far better DJ than any of them had first imagined and that S is actually far less intimidating that we had first imagined.  We were the first people to arrive for the Ferry, L and S went into the ticket office to collect the tickets and B (bladder bursting due to the fact she had chugged like 6 Pepsi Maxes during the drive) and I (bladder bursting because I hadn't peed in 3 hours and I'm only human) went to the rest room.  During the 30 minute wait for the Ferry to arrive I yelled "THARRR SHE BLOWWWWWS!!" more times than anyone had hoped for, by the 30th yell I think the saying had grown on everyone and they had learned to love it.  

Eventually after we had done our waiting, 12 years of it, in Azkaban it was Ferry Ho! thar she legit blows and it was time to board.  Driving onto the ferry was kind of terrifying due to the fact that S couldn't 100% guarantee she would manage to drive over the ramp and that there was a slight possibility we were all going to end up at the bottom of the ocean - sleeping with the fishes if you will.   Spoiler Alert: we made it.  We were going on a trip in our favourite ocean ship!  I sat by the window eyes pealed with keen anticipation for whales.  Along with attempted whale watching we spent the boat journey playing card games and charades.  At 10.30 L accused B of rigging the cards for snap so that she would

#FerryWankers

win, B had not rigged the cards.  At 10.45 I had still not seen a whale.  At 11.00 I decided i would make my 11.11 wish to see a whale.  At 11.11 I wished to see a whale. We also spent this time discussing what havoc we were going to inflict on Islay because The four of us always come home from nights out with some kind of crazy story and without a fun/outrageous story we aren't satisfied with how the night went. 15 minutes before arriving in Islay we decided to ascend the staircase to B deck aka deck 6 and we spent our final moments on the boat outside on the highest deck recreating scenes from Titanic, looking out for the whales and continuing the "THAR SHE BLOWS, WHALE HO!" chant.   Finally we were approaching Islay and it was time to return to the car, the thing is that B deck was far more slippy than you'd first imagine and so upon descending the stairs back to the car L fell not ones but twice and I couldn't contain my laughter... and then mid laugh I slipped, fell and hit the cold hard ground.  Now nobody on the ferry could contain their laughter and I felt like a fool.  I tried to keep my head held high and I told myself to conceal don't feel. 

We had no idea where we were going once we got off of the ferry. The initial 'lets just drive around and see what happens it will be so fun' mood wore off quicker than you would first expect when an hour later the four of us were lost in Islay with no signal and no idea how to get to J's house.  Our mainland brains were evidently ignorant to ways of island life and we had just assumed that Islay would be so small that we would

L recreating the great fall
of July 2015

just coincidentally end up at J's house if we drove long enough, this obviously was not the case.  We ended up in a small village and it was clear that everyone else in this village knew each other, this was made clear when we walked into a small cafe and everyone customer stopped eating to stare at us, open mouthed, cutlery dropping to the ground, young children pointing and the odd person taking a picture of the fresh new mainland meat.  I was sure we were going to die in that town, I felt like I was in one of those horror movies and I was certain that it was the case that once you visit the island you never leave the island.  Immediately I missed the busy rush of the city where nobody knows anyone, nobody wants to know anyone, nobody has time for anyone, and the only communication you have with strangers is mumbling profanities at them when they bump into you on the streets.  We found an empty hotel restaurant and we sat timidly at the table, on edge the whole time.  We ordered a chicken burger (minus veggie B who had some soup) and B, L and I ordered a vodka cranberry or vodka lemonade (fun fact, L received a glass of flat lemonade and this almost pushed her over the edge right into tear town).  At lunch we also made a deal with eachother, we were city girls through and through and if any of us showed too much of a taking to Islay life they were going to be asked to leave the friend group - in fact they wouldn't be allowed back onto the ferry with the rest of us.  Just to be extra precocious we decided that every time one of us aid something really nice about Islay or showed any indication that they wanted to be a farmer we would punch them (this was put into action several times over the weekend because Islay was very beautiful and it was hard not to comment on it and yes if S, B or L read this post they do have full permission to punch me, lightly, because of that last comment).

Pano

2 hours after arriving on Islay we finally made it J's house.  It was raining - some would call it a perfect storm.  Luckily we were privileged enough to earn ourselves a nice warm bed for a much needed afternoon nap.  After the most wonderful sleep ever, we rose like phoenixes once again and headed down to the kitchen for some baked potatoes.  B (not so stealthily) fed one of J's dogs food off of her plate and my plate while I (not so stealthily) filmed her) and then after dinner we  proceeded to accompany J to decorate the hall for the party which was taking place the next night - #friendgoals.  After a fleeting period of helpfulness L, B and I began to practice our dance moves and Bar Mitzvah lifts in the hall while J, S, B and M (B and M are J's friends who had just arrived...) continued to be productive.  We then returned to J's abode and had a quick whiskey tasting before retiring to bed for the night.  Before drifting off to sleep we lay together, four in a bed, recapping our day, sharing anxieties about sleeping in the marquee the next night during a perfect storm (#Marqueewindhorrorstories) and just generally keeping B awake as she tried desperately to sleep.  

I'M AN ADULT!!
#ONTHEGROUNDDD

I'm trying to conceal my disappointment about the whales

What would happen the next day?  Would we meet Hansel the horse?  What would happen at the party?  Would we get to see the beach?  Would we do something stupid at the party and get banished from Islay forever?  Would we ever be allowed to leave Islay or were we officially lifers?

All of this and more will be answered in part 2 which is coming at some point or another although I'm only human and I have to work since my job pays and this does not (there's not much justice in the world)

The moral of the story is never base your life happiness on the amount of whales you spot on a ferry trip to Islay because you'll only be left feeling empty and dispirited.

Until next time,
xoxo
Queen G

I DIED DEAD. RIP ME.

Hello children, I'm back with the wonderful and highly anticipated story of my 1989 World Tour experience!  

British Summertime Festival 2015

On Thursday June 25th my little sister came through to Edinburgh and we each got desperately needed hair cuts, we then proceed to browse the shops and wander the streets of Edinburgh in the torrential rain which lead to me contracting the great flu epidemic of 2015.  After opting out of attending an evening showing of Jurassic World in exchange for a Domino's pizza in bed, I packed my bags and then attempted to be the quiz master for one of our (sometimes weekly, sometimes daily, sometimes hourly) flat quizzes.  Tensions ran high when B went off on one of her classic ADHD episodes, L (over Skype) failed to commit fully to the quiz, S didn't participate at all and I desperately tried to hold the whole thing together for the sake of J who was departing from the flat forever after that night.  Anyway, B won the quiz and then it was finally time for bed.  I didn't sleep a wink that night.  My alarm was set for 7.30am but I had given up on sleep completely long before then and so as soon as I heard my sister get up at 7am I got up too.  We did a final check that we had everything we needed, attempted to have some toast but I was too excited to eat and then I said an emotional goodbye to B.  We made a food stop at Marks and Spencer's and then boarded the train to begin our adventure.  The train ride consisted of us wasting our 3G, story sharing, listening to our Ipods and snacking.  

GG

When we arrived in King's Cross our first stop was the bathroom, our second stop was platform 9 and 3 quarters.  We said nah to the photo op at the platform because the line was too long and our bags were heavy so we went to the gift shop and made a 10/10 purchase of some Harry Potter top trumph cards.  We sorted out our Oyster Cards and then got the underground to our hotel.  Fun fact: our hotel was one street away from Nandos and yet we never did eat there which is weird and kind of sad #cheekyNandos.  

Big Ben Yo

We got to the hotel and collected our keys, couldn't get the room door to open so we went to get help.  The man from reception got the door open easily first try and I felt like a bit of an idiot but after that minor hurdle we were ready to explore the city.  My sister (Also G so we will refer to her as younger G from here on out) needed to go to Urban Outfitters so we hopped on the underground and then walked from the stop at Big Ben to Urban, it was so sunny and warm.  Naturally after visiting Urban we were in the mood to watch Chris #Ladbod Pratt fight some dinosaurs so we went to the cinema and ordered a hella big popcorn and sprite and we watched 2 hours of straight man vs dino and dino vs dino, what more can you ask for?  Anyway after Jurassic Pratt we went to Ripley's Believe It Or Not, took one look at the price and then left with out heads held high and our bank accounts untouched.  We eventually went back to the hotel, had a few snacks, put on the music channel and played Top Trumphs. 
 In the morning I woke up early but lay in bed until 8.30am I proceeded to read my book, use the wifi and try to get younger G to wake up too.  She got out of bed around 10am and we were out of the hotel by 11.30ish.  I was starving by this point as all I had eaten since Thursday was a Hoisin Duck wrap and some snacks, when we got to Green Park we went to boots and I got another Duck wrap (#creatureofhabit) and we took our food to the park and sat in the grass soaking up the sun.  I wanted to leave by 1.30pm, 2pm at the VERY latest because entry for Hyde Park started at 3.30, we ventured down to Buckingham Palace and then at 2 we headed back to the underground.  It was at this moment that younger G informed me she needed to go to Primark.

OMG LOOK AT THAT TAY

I DIED. DED.  We raced through the streets of London passed crowds of people, some of whom were wearing TSwizzle costumes which only added to my panic.  84 years later we reached Primark and younger G grabbed some clothes, we paid and then raced to the nearest underground.  Eventually we got back to the hotel just before 4pm and I could no longer feel anything because I was for sure dead, life ended, lying on the cold hard ground.  We got ready, mood tense tensions high, outfit drama aplenty.  I wished I had taken my cat dress, younger G couldn't find anything to wear.  In the end my outfit was hella fun and we started the long walk to Hyde Park, unsure if we were even walking the right way.  We arrived at Hyde Park at 5pm, we had missed Vance Joy but all was well when we were handed glowing bracelets that were "a gift from Taylor".  After spending £40 on a fun Tshirt, programme and a presh bracelet we started the battle to get to the front of the stage.  John Newman was playing and we were tripping over all of the people who were sitting on the ground as we tried our best to get as close as possible to Tay.  Eventually we made a shocking discovery... with our general admission tickets we couldn't get anywhere near the stage so instead we had to settle for 2 rows from the front of general admission (luckily I have perfect vision #blessed so I could see the stage).  I knew at that moment that any dreams of reliving the Taylor Swift arm stroking extravaganza of 2011 were #DED but I was just so happy to be breathing the same air as Taylor.  Ellie Goulding performed and she was 10/10 as she always is.  World War Tay almost broke out after Ellie left the stage when the great push to get closer the the front began, people were shoving and there was screaming, crying and perfect storms.  It was miserable and magical and I wasn't about to give up my space for anyone!  Fun Fact:  there was also a strange lady who was handing out business cards, she was there alone and throughout the night she kept talking to these 2 12 year old girls and giving them life advice as Taylor was performing...) 

IM SO HAPPY IM GOING TO DIE

Then the first few beats of Welcome To New York played and it was at that very moment I went into a full on seizure right there on the ground in Hyde Park #RIPME1995-2015.  Taylor was wearing this amazing skirt that can only be described as #SkirtGoals and she had hella good hair.  I cannot even describe what it is like to see Taylor Swift in person.  Some words I would use to try to describe it would be magical, glitter, flawless, angel, smooth, tachycardic and #leggoals.  I've seen her super close up in Belfast but even from a distance in London it was enough to put me straight into cardiac arrest.  She performed every song from 1989 minus Wonderland.  When I activated my flashing bracelet ("a gift from Taylor") I felt powerful, I felt like I had just saved the world and made it home in time for dinner and then found out that we were having popcorn with a side of popcorn for that dinner whilst watching titanic and stroking kittens.  When Taylor walked along the catwalk part of the stage I tried to use sheer willpower to draw her closer and closer to me, when she flew up into the air like a real life unicorn princess I just stared at her and truly understood the chorus of Lovefool for the first time (so I cry, I pray and I beg LOVE ME LOVE ME SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME TAYLOR SAY IT SAY YOU LOVE ME).  Everything was perfect, every song a hit and I was the happiest girl in the whole kingdom.

Wink

AND THEN STYLE
So Taylor is all like singing Style and then next minute GiGi 'SLAY-Z' Hadid and Kendall 'Daughter of Caitlyn' Jenner come on stage and I was like is this real life, then Serena Williams came on stage and everyone was all like oh cool its the tennis lady. Then KARLIE FUCKING KLOSS and Martha 'she was in Bad Blood also' Hunt came on stage and I was like there is no way that this is real that is Karlie Kloss KARLIE KLOSS.  And then, just in case there were any survivors left she finally brought out Cara '#eyebrowgoals' Delevingne and that was the end of time, the world imploded and Taylor Swift and her squad were the only survivors.

Squad Goals

 
It was really cute during the Enchanted/Wildest Dreams mashup because when Tay went back to Enchanted the crowd continued singing Wildest Dreams and it was so celestial.
The rest of the show was hella good and then to end the show she played Shake It Off which is my all time favourite song to dance to when I'm drunk and so it had some weird alcohol effect on me and I felt wasted and everyone else in Hyde Park seemed to feel the same and it was one huge party and everyone was jumping and shaking and the best part was when everyone got so sassy and shouted out the MY EX MAN BROUGHT HIS NEW GIRL FRIEND... part and I have never experienced anything like that before!  It was honestly just the best night ever, I wish I could have gone to see it again and I will for sure be going to her next tour (Hopefully this time there wont be a huge ticket pre-sale email fail on my part and I'll be able to get tickets that allow me closer to the stage)
I'll continue to do everything in my power to meet Taylor, after Hyde Park my 7 year Taylor Swift obsession has just escalated.  I am so glad I was one of the 65K people at that show.  R. I. P. ME. 

Best night ever

The moral of the story is that Taylor's wink after she sang "his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room" was much cheekier than you'd first imagine!

xoxo
Queen G